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Remembering My Grandmothers: A Hanukkah Reflection

This Hanukkah I find myself remembering 2 of my grandmothers. One of them I never met but I heard stories from my mother. The other one I stayed with some during the holidays. She was my dad’s mother.

My dad’s mother was known as Grandma Downing. She was born in 1923. She had my dad in 1944. He was born about 1 year before World War 2 ended. I was around 8 or 9 in the early to mid 1990’s. I remember that I was staying with her for Christmas. The tree had been set up in the living room in front of the window. The curtains had been pulled back so that the lights from the tree could be seen from outside. Grandma Downing had been cooking most of the day getting ready for the family to come over for Christmas Dinner. I was in the living room trying to stay out of the way. Grandma Downing was a bit grouchy. She was not the picture of the loving grandma that baked cookies with grandchildren. She generally speaking forbid everyone from coming into the kitchen. I was very surprised when she called be to come to her, because she was standing in near the special Dining room table. She lived in a double wide mobile home. The Dining room was at the other end of the living room without a wall dividing it. However, I knew enough to stay out of that area. So, for her to be calling me to that area was a surprise. I quickly went to her. In her hand was a strange looking electric light. It had a series of candles all connected by a 9-stick candle holder. The middle one was taller than the rest. She then in hushed whispers gave me instructions on where to put it and how to turn it on. As I was putting it where she had instructed curiosity got the better of me. I was to put it behind the curtain but to the side of the tree. So, I asked why because no one from the inside could see it. She answered it is supposed to be seen from the outside. After I finished setting it up, I went outside to see the light. I quickly noticed that you could not see the light from outside either. There was a bench sitting right in front of it. For some reason my grandma had followed me outside, so I mentioned to my Grandma Downing that you could not see it from outside either. She grumbled something about that being for protection and quickly went back inside to the kitchen. I knew enough to leave it along. Later that night just before I went to bed, she had me turning off the light. The next night she again instructed me on how to turn on the light. I remember that every night the lights increased by 1.

Years later I learned about Hanukkah. I looked at the different The Hanukkah menorahs. I saw the different styles. I was surprised to recognize one of them. It was just like my Grandma Downing’s light from so long ago. Around the same time, I was researching the family history and learned that 5 generations back from my Grandma Downing, her great-grandfather had changed their last name before moving from Alabama to Mississippi. I can’t help but wondering if they were hiding the fact that they were Jewish.

I told my mother what I had found. I showed her the picture of the Hanukkah menorah that looked like Grandma Downing’s light. She then explained that her grandmother had the same light that she put in the window every year at Christmas time in a similar way. The only difference was that her grandmother did not hide the light, but she still would not explain the light when asked about the odd way of turning it on. According to my mother she would only say it is tradition.

As I am lighting the candles of my Hanukkah menorah I remember both grandmothers. I am happy that I can share the meaning of the candles with my children. I can put it in front of the window where it can be seen from the inside and the outside.

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The Life Story of My Dad

When my dad was born on March 16, 1944, in Louisville, Mississippi, his father, Harold, was 27 and his mother, Kathleen, was 20. In 1944, Louisville, Mississippi, USA was a small town with a population of around 3,000 people. The town was predominantly rural, with agriculture being the main industry. The town had limited access to modern amenities, with most households lacking indoor plumbing and electricity. My dad already had one brother, James who was about 3 years older.

When he was 3 months old, his mother went to work in the fields. She left him by the side of the road on a blanket. The road ran beside the field. Later that afternoon, he was found still on the blanket by his grandmother. It had been hot that day and he was dehydrated and badly sunburnt. His grandmother picked him up and went to find her daughter. She then explained that she was taking both my dad and his brother, James, home with her. So, my dad grew up living with his grandparents. His grandfather, Mr. Hartness, was a preacher.

Later his mom and dad had three more children.

My dad lived with them, his grandparents, until they both passed away. Mr. Hartness passed in 1954 with his wife following in 1959. At this time my dad was only 15 years old. The child welfare office sent someone to pick my dad up from his grandparents’ house soon after his grandmother passed. He hid. He hid out for about 1 year. He went every day to his friend’s house to get a plate of food. At the end of that week, he had gotten in touch with his uncles in Georgia. Up until this time, he had made money to live on by running boot leg for his uncles who lived close by in Louisville, MS. After getting in touch with his uncles who lived in Georgia, he went to live with them until he turned 18. There they taught him to drive an eighteen-wheeler, work on cars, trucks, and other equipment, smoke, and drink.

In 1962, my dad’s father passed away.

After coming back from Georgia, he got a job building bridges. He fell off of the Lumberton Bridge on Hwy 55 while working and broke his back. He was put in the St. Dominic’s Hospital in Jackson, MS. His draft notice for the Vietnam War came while he was in the hospital. His mother brought it to him. My dad asked the doctor what to do. The doctor simple said, “give me the notice and I will fill out the necessary forms to explain that you are not going anywhere with that bad back”.

A couple of years later he got married to Diane in 1965, when he was 20 years old. They had three boys. In September of 1982, they filed for divorce. They were divorced on January 19, 1983, after 18 years of marriage. My dad was 38 years old. The boys mostly stay with their mother.

My dad married Karen, my mom, in Jackson, Mississippi, on January 28, 1983, when he was 38 years old and she was 21 years old.

They had an interesting marriage. There were some good times and there were some bad times. They had me about two years later. After I was born, my dad had a hard time finding a job. His back still gave him problems, and he had very little education. My mom was trying to teach him to read. With little hope to of finding a better job, he took a job as a long-haul truck driver. This job was the beginning of the end of their marriage. It was long after taking this job that he decided that it would be better from my mom and me if he divorced her. The local people in the town where we lived looked down on truck drivers. They even said that it was not possible for a truck driver to be saved. (This is not true. Truck Driving is not a sin.) My parents were divorced in September 1989, in Ellisville, Mississippi, after 6 years of marriage. My dad was 45 years old.

In Oct of 1989, my dad was in a bad accident. A car ran under the flatbed trailer he was hauling. This broke his neck. With nowhere else to go, he came home and slept on the couch. He kept me while my mom went to work at the hospital.

In Dec 1989 there was an ice storm. Everything froze. We had horses. While trying to get water for the horses, my mom fell down. She hit her head. There was blood pouring for the gash in her head. Worse yet her back was broken. My dad blew the engine in the car getting her to the hospital. Because, we did not have health insurance, they waited too long to do the surgery on my mom’s back. She was in the hospital till April of the next year.

Things are bad. My dad can’t work because of his neck and me. My mom can’t work because she is in the hospital. My dad thinks that he can’t pray to God, so he tells my mom to pray. Somehow, we get the money needed every month.

In April of 1990, my mom comes home from the hospital. My dad is released to go back to work. He starts back paying child support of $175. That is helpful, but not enough to pay the bills. My mom can’t walk. Her left leg is paralyzed, because the doctors waited too long to do the surgery. It takes her another year to get on her disability.

My dad continues driving, but now he refuses to haul anything but the box containers. In takes about a year for the insurance to pay him his compensation for the accident. When he gets the money, he buys some land in Ovett, MS. He tells my mom that the land will be mine because she let him move back in when he broke his neck.

One night my mom wakes up. She has a bad feeling about my dad. She thinks that he is in trouble, so she starts praying. A little while later he calls. He almost had another accident. The straps broke that was holding the load. The load shifted. He was going down a mountain. According to him, an angel came and kept the truck from falling down the mountain. He wanted to know two things. 1. Where is Janie, the angel looked like her with her hair. 2. Were you praying? The answers were 1. I, Janie, was in my bed asleep. 2. Yes, I was praying. He said thank you.

My dad still misses his grandfather. He sometimes says that if he could only hear his grandfather preach just 1 more time.

My dad loses his son, William Ambers in July of 2000, William is only 27 years old.

In 2002 he marries Shelly. They have 1 child together. They divorce in 2009.

His mother Kathleen passes away in December of 2014, in Jackson, Mississippi, at the age of 91.

He starts asking questions about the Bible. I try to answer the questions. The main question that he keeps asking I am not able to answer. So, start on a quest to find the answer.

Jan. 2019 my dad calls me from the emergency room. Within the week we find out that he has stage 4 lung cancer. He must give up truck driving. He now starts going to church. He asks me to get him some Bibles because he wants to hand them out. I order 10 Bibles. He gives all of the Bibles away. The Sunday before he passes, he asks the preacher, of the church that he has been going to, to come and pray with him. He gives his heart to Jesus. He passed away in May of 2019, in Ovett, Mississippi, when he was 75 years old.

I am thankful that I will see him again in heaven. I still miss him so much.

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Mastering Pancakes: A Generational Recipe

Pancakes!
My daddy was raised by his grandmother. He became grandma’s baby. He was frequently by her side. She made sure that nobody messed with her baby. Growing up he often watched her cook. He liked to eat pancakes, and she would make them for him. He learned to make pancakes by watching her make them.

When I was a little girl, he would sometimes make pancakes. It was always a treat. I would sit on the bar and watch him mix up the batter and fry them. After I got grown, I asked him, for the recipe. He explained that there was no written recipe. He had learned by watching his grandma.
This according to my dad is also a cake recipe when the batter is doubled. So, I watched him very closely as he poured in the flour and the sugar. I watched as he melted, the butter in the cast iron skillet. I watched as he mixed an egg into the flour and sugar. I watched as he added the water (he used water instead of milk because I was lactose intolerant), and mixed. Then he carefully added in the melted butter. According to him the butter, is the secret to fluffy pancakes. He made sure everything was mixed together and then he fried the pancakes in butter.
The next morning, he told me to make the pancakes while he watched to make sure I was doing it right.
I wrote the recipe down based on the proportions that were used. Below is the recipe.

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups Self-rising flour
  • 1/2 cup Sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 2 Tablespoons butter – Plus more for frying
  • ½-3/4 cup water or milk

Directions:

  1. Mix the flour and sugar together.
  2. Melt the butter.
  3. Mix the egg into the flour and sugar.
  4. Add 1/2 cup water
  5. Add butter.
  6. Add more water if needed to get the right consistency.
  7. Preheat the pan to medium heat.
  8. After the pan is hot, pour some of the batter into the pan and cook on low to medium heat until you see bubbles.
  9. Flip and cook until both sides are light brown.
  10. Finish cooking the rest of the batter the same way. Make sure to watch the pan. If the pan gets too hot, the pancake will cook too fast on the outside and not get done in the middle. If the pan gets too cool, the pancake will soak up too much butter and be greasy.
  11. Enjoy
Quick and Delicious Cooking Ideas

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God’s Protection: A Childhood Tale of Danger and Joy

When I was about 7 years old, I got a beautiful pair of white boots. I really liked those boots. I wore them everywhere. One day I even wore them outside to play. I liked to ride my bike. I would ride my bike all over the yard. This day was no different. My mom had been inside doing housework all morning. I had been outside playing all morning. She had gotten to a stopping point and came outside. She had not gotten far from the front porch when she froze. She saw there on the ground a rattle snake. It was about 10 inches long. It was laying in the well-worn path that I had make with my bike. She also saw my boot print on its head. My mom called me over and asked me about the snake. I asked, “What snake?” She then showed me the snake with my boot print on it. It is amazing that I had apparently killed the snake before the snake had a chance to strike without me ever seeing the snake. Thankfully God is always watching. He looks after his children even when we are unaware. I was too busy having fun to notice the danger, but God is faithfully watching at all times.

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Bloopers From Church: Laughter in Faith

 

Grandpa told stories about bloopers that happened inside the church. Here are a couple of them.

  1. Announcement Blooper: The pastor was telling what was going on in the coming up week. He said, “A fun outing will be a taffy party. There will be a peter pulling at Brother Candy Smith’s house on Tuesday night.” A man in the back of the church stands up and says, “I don’t know about you, but I will be there.” This man’s nickname is Buck.
    The pastor was supposed to say, “There will be a candy pulling at Brother Peter Smith’s house on Tuesday night.
  2. Revival Blooper: One night in a revival the power of God was falling. Many people were being to stand up. Now this was a new church in the 1960’s. The pews were made of small, long slats. All over the church people were standing. On a certain pew a large lady, who was very well dressed and very well to do, was still sitting. Many people were sitting on this pew with her. Suddenly everyone but her stands up. The slats close. The Lady goes to yelling and waving her arms. The other people around her starts yelling, “Come on Sister, you are getting it.”
 
Exploring Family Stories of Faith and Life Lessons

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1967 School Year Begins: Insights from a Child’s View

 
 

The Summer of 1967 is coming to a close and it is almost time for school. I, Karen, will be in the 1st grade. My brother, Paul, will be in the 5th grade. We attend a church school.

The Pastor is also the head of the school. He calls a meeting to discuss the new school year. Everyone that wanted to send their children to the church school is required to attend.

At the meeting, the pastor explained the school rules. He announced who the teachers were going to be. Lastly, he announced when school would begin for that year. School would start in about 2 weeks.

Most of the parents then spoke up and said, “Let school start sooner. I want to get my children back to school and out of the house.”

Well, guess what? My daddy, Marcus, stood up and walked to the front of everyone. He said, “I have something to say.” Marcus was the assistant pastor.

He proceeded to say, “If I felt the way you all have seem to, I would go home and get my gun. Then I would stand my 2 children outside against a wall and shot them.” The people did not know what to say. After hearing this, I hoped that daddy liked us and wanted us around. To the day that my daddy died, every time he heard someone say, “I will be glad when the children go back to school or move out.” He would reply, “If I felt that way, I would stand them outside and shot them.”

Marcus never shot any of his children. Therefore, he must have loved having them around.

Written by Karen, My mother

Edited to say: Grandpa had an interesting way of saying everything. This was him trying to explain that parents should not be in a hurry for their children to grow up or leave the house. They should instead enjoy the time that they had with their children. 

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