Marriage was not man’s idea. It began with God.
Before there were governments, churches, nations, or human traditions, God created a man and a woman and brought them together. Therefore, if we want to understand what marriage is intended to be, the best place to begin is not with modern culture or even with human experience. We should begin with God’s Word.
God Created Male and Female
The Bible begins with Creation:
Genesis 1:26-28
“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it…”
There are several important truths here.
Both male and female were created by God, and both were created in the image of God. God blessed them and gave them responsibilities concerning the world He had created.
Marriage cannot be separated completely from this Creation account because the relationship between the first man and woman develops immediately afterward.
Long before marriage became a legal institution administered by human governments, its foundation was being established by God.
It Was Not Good for Man to Be Alone
In Genesis 2, something unusual happens.
Throughout the Creation account, God repeatedly sees that His creation is good. But then God identifies something that is not good:
Genesis 2:18
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
Adam needed a companion suitable for him.
God’s answer was the woman.
This gives us one of the first purposes we can recognize in marriage: companionship.
A husband and wife are not simply two people occupying the same house. Marriage creates a relationship in which two people can share life together.
They can work together, talk together, laugh together, pray together, endure difficult times together, make decisions together, raise a family together when God gives children, and encourage one another through the changing seasons of life.
Marriage was never intended to be merely a legal arrangement.
God created it to be a relationship.
God Established the First Marriage
Genesis continues:
Genesis 2:21-24
“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall…
Marriage Is a Covenant
Marriage is more than a legal agreement between two people. In Scripture, marriage is described as a covenant.
Malachi speaks very plainly about this:
Malachi 2:14
“Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.”
Notice two important things in this verse. A wife is called “the wife of thy covenant,” and the Lord is described as a witness between the husband and his wife.
This helps us understand the seriousness of marriage in God’s eyes. Marriage is not simply two people deciding that they want to live together as long as they are happy. They are making a commitment to one another before God.
This idea reaches all the way back to the first marriage:
Genesis 2:24
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
The word cleave expresses the lasting union God intended. The man leaves his previous family relationship to establish a new family with his wife. The two are no longer living as completely separate individuals. Scripture says they become “one flesh.”
Jesus later returned directly to this Creation account when teaching about marriage:
Matthew 19:6
“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
That last statement is especially important when considering God’s intentions for marriage: “What therefore God hath joined together.” Marriage involves more than the husband and wife. God Himself established marriage, and Jesus treated the marriage union as something God joins together.
Covenant Is More Than a Contract
We often think about contracts in terms of what each person agrees to do. If the agreement fails, the relationship described by the contract may end.
The biblical picture of marriage goes deeper. Marriage involves a promise of faithfulness.
That is why Scripture repeatedly speaks seriously about adultery, unfaithfulness, and dealing treacherously with a husband or wife. In the same passage that calls marriage a covenant, God warns His people:
Malachi 2:15
“…Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.”
Faithfulness, then, is not merely a nice addition to marriage. Faithfulness is part of God’s intention for the marriage covenant.
Hebrews 13:4
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
God designed marriage to be an honorable and faithful union. Husband and wife belong to one another in a relationship that should be treated with love, commitment, purity, and faithfulness.
Certainly. I’ll pick up with the remaining sections and smooth them so they do not keep repeating the same Ephesians 5 points. I’m also keeping the important distinction you made about submission, forgiveness, boundaries, and abuse.
Marriage Should Include Humility and Mutual Submission
Before Paul gives specific instructions to husbands and wives, he establishes an important principle:
Ephesians 5:21
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
This verse reminds us that Christian marriage should not become a contest over which person gets his or her way. Both husband and wife belong to God, and both are called to approach their relationship with humility rather than selfishness.
Paul then gives specific instructions to the wife:
Ephesians 5:22
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
But Paul’s instructions do not stop with the wife. He places a tremendous responsibility upon the husband:
Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
The biblical picture is therefore not one spouse demanding everything from the other. The wife has responsibilities toward her husband, and the husband has responsibilities toward his wife. Both are accountable to God for the way they treat one another.
Submission Is Not About Selfish Control
Biblical submission should never be used as an excuse for selfishness, cruelty, manipulation, or abuse.
A husband cannot properly point to his wife’s responsibility in Ephesians 5 while ignoring God’s command for him to love her “even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
Christ’s example turns the husband’s attention away from:
What can I demand?
and toward:
How can I love? How can I serve? What am I willing to give?
Likewise, the wife is called to respect the relationship God has established rather than approaching marriage as a struggle for control.
Paul brings the responsibilities of both husband and wife together near the end of the passage:
Ephesians 5:33
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
There is responsibility on both sides. Neither spouse is given permission to use Scripture as a weapon against the other while ignoring his or her own responsibilities before God.
Marriage Requires Putting Aside Selfishness
These principles become very practical in everyday married life.
There will be times when a husband and wife disagree. They may have different preferences, different ways of handling problems, different personalities, or different ideas about what should happen next.
A healthy Christian marriage cannot be built on the principle:
“I must always get my way.”
Instead, both husband and wife can learn to ask:
- What does God’s Word say?
- What is best for our marriage and family?
- Have I really listened to my spouse?
- Am I being motivated by love or selfishness?
- Am I willing to give something up for the good of my spouse?
- Is the way I am treating my spouse honoring God?
This does not mean that husband and wife have identical responsibilities in every respect. Ephesians 5 itself gives husbands and wives distinct instructions. But neither spouse is given permission to live selfishly.
Sometimes putting aside selfishness means making a large sacrifice. More often, it happens in the ordinary moments of married life: listening, helping, forgiving, showing patience, considering another person’s needs, admitting when we are wrong, and choosing not to insist upon our own preference.
These small decisions can become important expressions of love.
The Fear of God Changes the Way We Treat One Another
There is another important phrase in Ephesians 5:21:
“…in the fear of God.”
That brings God directly into the way a husband and wife treat one another.
A Christian husband does not love his wife merely because she has pleased him that day. A Christian wife does not respect her husband merely because he has done everything exactly as she wanted.
Their responsibilities toward one another are connected to their relationship with God.
This takes us back to the idea of marriage as a covenant.
Malachi describes God as a witness to the marriage covenant. Ephesians reminds husbands and wives that they have responsibilities toward one another before Him. Marriage, therefore, is not simply about whether two people remain legally married. God also cares about how they treat one another within the marriage.
His intention is for marriage to be a relationship in which selfishness increasingly gives way to love, respect, service, humility, patience, and faithfulness.
Marriage Should Be a Place of Safety, Not Abuse
Because Scripture speaks about submission, sacrifice, forgiveness, and faithfulness, it is important that these teachings be understood correctly.
Biblical submission does not mean that a husband or wife must quietly accept abuse, violence, threats, coercion, or continual mistreatment.
The same passage that discusses submission commands a husband to love his wife:
Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
Marriage is meant to reflect love and sacrificial care, not cruelty or domination.
Scripture also teaches the value of recognizing danger:
Proverbs 22:3
“A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.”
There is a difference between sacrificial love and allowing another person to harm you.
There is also a difference between forgiveness and the removal of appropriate boundaries.
A Christian can forgive while still recognizing that trust has been broken. Forgiveness does not require pretending that sinful behavior did not happen, nor does it require allowing destructive behavior to continue without consequences.
A spouse should never use Scripture concerning submission, forgiveness, covenant, or preserving a marriage to justify abusing or controlling the other person. Such behavior contradicts the biblical picture of marriage we have been examining.
Scripture’s instructions concerning marriage include love, nourishment, cherishing, respect, faithfulness, and sacrificial care.
Seeking safety is not the same thing as rejecting God’s design for marriage.
If someone is in immediate danger, protecting themselves and their children and seeking trustworthy help are appropriate responses. Christian teaching about marriage should never be used to pressure someone to remain in immediate danger.
Boundaries may also be necessary in situations that have not become physically dangerous. Saying, “This behavior is not acceptable,” addressing serious wrongdoing, or seeking outside help does not necessarily mean a person has abandoned love or forgiveness.
Sometimes loving another person includes refusing to pretend that destructive behavior is acceptable.
The goal of biblical marriage is not for one spouse to control, frighten, or diminish the other. It is for husband and wife to honor God in the way they love and treat one another.
Biblical submission should never become an excuse for abuse, and biblical forgiveness should never become an excuse for allowing abuse to continue.
Marriage Is More Than Personal Happiness
Happiness is a wonderful blessing within marriage. A husband and wife may enjoy friendship, laughter, companionship, family traditions, shared experiences, and many years of life together.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying those blessings.
But happiness alone cannot carry the full weight of marriage.
Feelings change. Circumstances change. People face sickness, financial problems, disappointments, family responsibilities, aging, grief, and countless unexpected situations.
A marriage built only upon the question, “Does this relationship make me happy?” becomes vulnerable whenever circumstances become difficult.
The biblical picture asks deeper questions:
Are we being faithful?
Are we loving one another?
Are we honoring God?
Are we growing in patience, forgiveness, humility, and grace?
Are we helping one another follow Christ?
There will certainly be joyful seasons in a marriage. There may also be seasons that require tremendous patience and perseverance.
Marriage gives two people the opportunity to walk through those changing seasons together.
Marriage Provides Companionship Through the Seasons of Life
This brings us back to something God said near the very beginning:
Genesis 2:18
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
The companionship God established in Genesis was not intended only for the beginning of married life.
Marriage allows two people to share the changing seasons that follow.
A husband and wife may work together, establish a home, raise children when God gives them children, face difficulties, celebrate blessings, make decisions, worship God, care for family members, grow older, and experience changes they could never have anticipated when their marriage began.
That companionship will not always look the same.
A young couple beginning life together may face very different circumstances from a couple that has been married for forty or fifty years.
Yet the principle remains.
God designed marriage so that husband and wife can walk through life together rather than merely living two independent lives under the same roof.
Children Are a Blessing, but Marriage Has Value Apart From Parenthood
God told the first man and woman:
Genesis 1:28
“Be fruitful, and multiply…”
Children are repeatedly presented in Scripture as a blessing from God.
Psalm 127:3
“Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”
Raising children can therefore become an important part of marriage and family life.
A husband and wife have the opportunity to teach their children, care for them, discipline them, pray for them, and demonstrate through everyday life what it means to follow God.
However, we should not conclude that a marriage without children has somehow failed to become a real or meaningful marriage.
The marriage relationship is established between husband and wife.
Children may become a wonderful blessing within that marriage, but they are not what creates the marriage covenant.
That distinction is important for couples who cannot have children, couples who marry later in life, and couples whose circumstances are different from those of other families.
The value of a marriage does not depend upon whether the couple becomes parents.
Marriage Requires Grace and Forgiveness
Because marriage joins two imperfect human beings, forgiveness will inevitably become important.
Neither spouse will always say the right thing, make the right decision, or respond perfectly.
Scripture tells Christians generally:
Colossians 3:12–13
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man…olossians 3:12–13
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man. have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
Forgiveness in marriage does not mean pretending that problems do not exist. It means choosing not to allow bitterness, anger, and resentment to take control of the relationship.
Sometimes forgiveness comes easily. At other times, healing takes time. Serious problems may require honest conversations, prayer, repentance, changed behavior, wise counsel, and the rebuilding of trust.
But the principle remains: Christians have received grace from God, and that grace should influence the way they treat one another.
Love Holds a Marriage Together
Immediately after Paul speaks about forgiveness, he writes:
Colossians 3:14
“And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.”
Love is more than an emotion. Biblical love affects how a person speaks, responds, forgives, serves, sacrifices, and remains faithful.
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 describes love as patient, kind, humble, unselfish, and enduring.
These qualities are especially important in marriage because a husband and wife share everyday life together. They see each other’s strengths, but they also see weaknesses that other people may never see.
Marriage therefore provides countless opportunities to practice the kind of love Scripture describes.
Love chooses kindness when irritation would be easier.
Love listens.
Love serves.
Love forgives.
Love remains faithful.
Love seeks the good of the other person.
Marriage Requires Faithfulness
Because marriage is a covenant, faithfulness is at its heart.
Hebrews 13:4 teaches:
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…”
Faithfulness involves more than avoiding adultery. It includes guarding the trust that exists between husband and wife.
A faithful spouse seeks to protect the marriage rather than carelessly placing it in danger. Faithfulness includes honesty, loyalty, dependability, and commitment.
This reflects something important about the character of God.
God is faithful.
Throughout Scripture, God repeatedly demonstrates His faithfulness to His promises and His people. A husband and wife who remain faithful to their covenant provide a small earthly picture of the importance of keeping one’s word.
Marriage Should Be Centered on God
A strong marriage is not simply built upon two people loving each other. For Christians, God should be at the center of the relationship.
Husband and wife are both responsible for their own relationship with the Lord.
They should pray.
They should study God’s Word.
They should seek God’s wisdom.
They should encourage one another spiritually.
They should help one another grow in faith.
This does not mean that a Christian marriage will never experience problems. Christians are still imperfect people living in an imperfect world.
But when difficulties come, husband and wife have somewhere to turn.
They can turn to God.
Psalm 127:1 says:
“Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it…”
A marriage should not merely ask God to bless plans that have already been made. Husband and wife should seek His direction as they build their life together.
Marriage Is a Partnership Through Changing Seasons
Marriage does not remain exactly the same throughout life.
There may be seasons of raising children, financial difficulties, illness, success, disappointment, caring for aging parents, changing jobs, moving, retirement, or simply growing older together.
Each season brings something different.
A couple who has been married for forty years will have experienced things they could not have imagined on their wedding day.
That is part of the beauty of covenant.
Marriage says, in effect, We will walk through these changes together.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 reminds us:
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow…”
Marriage creates a partnership in which husband and wife can encourage, strengthen, comfort, and help one another.
There will be times when one spouse is stronger.
There will be times when the other is stronger.
Neither has to face every difficulty alone.
Marriage Can Reflect Christ and the Church
One of the deepest biblical teachings concerning marriage is found in Ephesians 5.
Paul discusses husbands and wives, but then he reveals that marriage points beyond itself.
Ephesians 5:31–32
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
This gives Christian marriage a remarkable spiritual significance.
Marriage can become a living picture of covenant love.
Christ’s relationship with His church demonstrates love, sacrifice, faithfulness, and commitment. Christian husbands and wives are called to allow those same qualities to shape their relationship with one another.
No marriage will demonstrate these things perfectly.
That is where grace becomes so important.
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is faithfulness.
Conclusion: Marriage Is a Covenant of Love and Faithfulness
Marriage, according to Scripture, is much more than a legal agreement, a wedding ceremony, or two people deciding that they enjoy being together.
Marriage was established by God.
From the beginning, God said:
Genesis 2:24
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Marriage joins a man and woman in a unique covenant relationship.
That covenant calls for love.
It calls for faithfulness.
It calls for patience.
It calls for sacrifice.
It calls for forgiveness.
And most importantly, it calls both husband and wife to seek God.
Marriage will not always be easy. Two imperfect people will sometimes disagree, misunderstand one another, or fail each other.
Yet those difficulties do not erase God’s purpose for marriage.
Instead, they provide opportunities for grace.
A husband can learn to love more selflessly.
A wife can learn to love more selflessly.
Both can learn to forgive.
Both can learn to listen.
Both can learn to serve.
Both can learn to depend more completely upon God.
Over the years, a marriage becomes a story.
It is a story written through ordinary days as much as extraordinary ones: meals shared, bills paid, prayers prayed, children raised, tears shed, problems faced, laughter enjoyed, decisions made, mistakes forgiven, and years traveled together.
There may be joyful chapters and difficult ones.
But through all of them, husband and wife can continue choosing faithfulness to God and faithfulness to one another.
A godly marriage does not require two perfect people.
It requires two imperfect people who recognize their need for God’s grace and continue seeking Him as they walk through life together.
That is one of the beautiful purposes of biblical marriage:
Two people joined in covenant, growing together, serving one another, remaining faithful, and allowing their life together to point toward the faithful love of God.
A Note About Abuse
God’s intentions for marriage should never be used to excuse abuse, violence, threats, coercion, or controlling behavior. Biblical teachings concerning covenant, submission, and forgiveness do not require someone to remain in immediate danger.
If you or someone you know may be experiencing domestic violence, see our [Domestic Violence: Biblical Truth, Safety, and Resources] page for safety information and current resources.
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